By Dennis Minich
To the front office, coaches and players of the Kansas City Chiefs:
This is a letter from an upset fan. I have followed your team for nearly 50 years, since you first moved to Kansas City. I have enjoyed the good times, suffered through far more bad times and been there when games were merely a formality to swipe as much cash from the pocketbooks of your fanbase as was humanly possible. I will say the past few years have been exciting, but the current product you are putting on the field is far more than disappointing, it is an absolute disaster for me.
You must understand, I understand you can’t be great all of the time. I have found that when things go badly, life goes on and there are plenty of other things to soothe my suffering spirit. However, my fiancé, Leslie, has a far different outlook. We have been dating for more than two years. She says she never was much of a sports fan, but since we have been dating, she could qualify as a Chiefs superfan. She wears the clothes, prepares special foods and plans the entire weekend around the football game. Since you had phenomenal seasons the past two years, Leslie’s spirits and football spirit has been great. However, now that you are failing in the win department, her attitude has not been as sunny as I have experienced in the past.
These problems are manifested in several ways. The worst comes with understanding that if you lose, it is somehow my fault. Sometimes it’s as simple as I didn’t wear the proper football attire, but more often it becomes my job to explain why someone didn’t make the catch or complete a tackle or why he threw the ball where he did. Leslie does not like it when my answer is, I don’t know.
There is a solution to this problem, but I must tell you the medicine might be even worse than the illness. I suggested Sunday night after the loss to Buffalo that maybe we would be better off not watching the games anymore. Leslie was actually agreeable to that suggestion, however she also had ideas for what we could do in place of watching the games. I will be perfectly honest with you, I have no desire to clean out the garage. I also have no desire to do any gardening, rake leaves, arrange the basement, clean out the car or wash the dog.
Far worse, the skin on the back of my neck crawls when she suggests that Sunday afternoons would be a great time to go shopping. Leslie’s definition of shopping is far different from mine. My idea of shopping mostly includes food, some home goods and on a rare occasion maybe a new T-shirt. Leslie’s idea of shopping is shoes, and usually more shoes. I try to explain to her that 50 or more pair of shoes is not a sound investment. Since you can only wear one pair at a time, your other shoes are simply at home depreciating. She does not share that investment strategy. I really think she has more than 50 pair of shoes: she has shoes in her closet, she has shoes in my closet, she has shoes in her office closet. I do not have shoes in my office closet because I do not have an office closet.
In fairness, I understand the need for shoes. I personally own three pair, one white pair of tennis shoes, one black pair of tennis shoes and another black pair of tennis shoes for formal occasions.
If we are not shopping for shoes, we usually end up looking at some kind of do -dads for the house which serve no purpose, but are cute. I frankly don’t have an opinion about placemats. Any color, any style is fine with me. Actually, she can pick out anything she wants because I know we likely be returning it within a week or so anyway.
So, dear Chiefs’ people, you would certainly make my life much easier if you would simply start winning football games again. I want to return to special football food and listening to Leslie scream in excitement as the announcer pronounces “TOUCHDOWN KANSAS CITY” rather than hanging out in shopping malls comparing styles of curtain rods.
Some people may not care if you win or lose, but I would be especially appreciative if you would attempt to win some games, at least until the weather turns to the point that outdoor chores and worthless shopping trips would no longer be expected.
In closing, the treats get better during the post-season so if you could find it in your hearts to attempt to make the playoffs, I would be extremely grateful.
Thank you for your time.